Post by shawn30 on Jan 1, 2010 21:19:29 GMT -5
******
Two and a half hours later
******
The first thing Tommy noticed was that Kimberly's rental car was missing. Standing on his porch as thick snowflakes descended from the heavens, his mind ran through the possibilities of where she could
have gone. She hadn't mentioned needing to make a run to the store, especially on the eve of them both leaving. He was bringing a tray of lasagna over for dinner, so food wasn't an issue. Reaching inside his jacket, he checked his cell phone. Upon checking he found no messages or missed calls. Shaking his head free of any doubts, he brushed it all aside. "Maybe she went to get another bottle of wine,” was muttered through a swath of cold night air as he carefully descended the icy stairs and walked across the street to her cabin. He saw a single light on in her living-room, no doubt left on for him.
They'd exchanged their second set of cabin keys yesterday, so he let himself in and then hit the wall switch for the main lights. “Let there be light,” he mocked to himself wearing a grin that spoke of a last nights hot passion and the promise of so much more to come. Curiously enough, by the front door there were none of her suitcases nor her guitar. Strange. Maybe she'd already loaded her rental car. Kim always thought ahead, so he paid it no mind... despite the slight gnaw of tension he felt.
Walking into her kitchen, he sat the large tray down as a naughty grin settled over his face. Oh how he'd taken her over that kitchen table... Fuck, he could still hear her moaning for him and him alone. And while passion wasn't everything, he swore she had to be the one for him. She had him tied up in knots he couldn't begin to unravel. He'd never felt such raw desire or chemistry with a woman before as he did with his Beautiful.
Honestly, he knew he was in love with her. But with Kim you had to not push, so he was gonna take things as slow as she needed. They had to give this thing between them a chance to grow. Of that he was certain.
He'd have to be patient with her. He didn't mind. So she needed a little more space and understanding than most women. Again, she was worth it. And in the meantime of allowing her time to get used to them he would be working on himself as well. If things went as he hoped, they'd be in a seriously committed relationship hopefully within the next couple of months. Going from bachelorhood to that wasn't the easiest thing in the world for a guy, but he felt their potential and how much he loved her was worth it.
Walking back into the living-room while removing his coat and hat, his eyes suddenly fixated on something that stopped him dead in his tracks. Something that made no sense at all, and yet was darkly poetic in some way. Quickly, his mind surmised that the letter taped above the unlit fireplace was a sexy little note to tease about the past. That's all it could be. There was just no way... No, he wasn't even giving it a second thought.
Tommy walked over and took the letter, opening it to find a hand-written letter inside. From the moment he read the first words his stomach dropped. He felt ill...
'You're going to hate me for doing this.'
Reading no more, Tommy walked over to a chair and sat down, the letter dangling from his fingertips as he shook his head, praying he was wrong and jumping to conclusions. Then he began to read and all was made clear. Painfully clear.
'I'm emotionally broken, Tommy. There's something wrong with me that overwhelms me with fear of ever truly giving my all to someone. It terrifies me as I don't trust myself enough to put you through all the pain and misery of my issues. I know me taking the blame for this wont save you any hurt or anger tonight. I can only imagine how much you hate me now. Not more than I hate myself, but still. I just can't do this. What you want, I can't give. And rather than waste your time and hurt you more than I already have, I'm just going to go back to my life and let you do the same. This weekend was the best time of my entire life and I hate leaving you this way, but I'm a coward. I can't face you in person. I have to slip away and maybe find a way to fix whatever is wrong with me. Maybe someday... Because right now I'm just not in a good place and I know it. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say.
Love always,
Kim'
He had to be imagining this. It was a nightmare and any second he was gonna wake up and not be holding a second Dear John letter from the same girl. He wasn't going to feel more hurt than he had ever felt before because this wasn't happening... but it was. Days together where they shared everything and all he had asked for was a chance. One shot. Not a relationship. Not a commitment right now. He only wanted to date her and see where this amazing chemistry led them. Was that to much to ask for? Was he being so unreasonable? Was she that weak a person and he hadn't known?
Nice guys didn't just finish last. They got royally fucked.
Anger, rage, and utter despair crippled his thoughts. Tears wet his eyes, but he harshly brushed any aside long before they fell. "Damn you!" he swore out loud, crumpling the letter in his hands and then throwing it in the fireplace. The way she treated him was unacceptable. He deserved better and so did she. Why couldn't she give herself a shot at being happy? He just didn't know and gave up caring. Figuring out Kimberly Hart was gonna be some other suckers cross to bear.
He was done.
Beyond done.
And viciously heartbroken.
Tommy aimlessly walked outside into the blustering cold with his coat and hat under his arm, not giving a damn about the frigid temperatures. The only thing colder than the night was his heart.
******
******
United Flight 9913
Tuesday, December 7, 2008 10:30 PM
En route to Orlando, Florida
Kimberly was thankful for the dim, lonely shadows that bathed her window seat. The somber darkness welcomed her home, consuming her whole. Misery wouldn't be lonely tonight. She was perfect company.
Having cried until she had no more tears left to shed, shame ate her alive the last four hours after she broke the heart of the finest man she knew. The man she loved... Operating on autopilot through the airport check-in and security, she paid almost two hundred more dollars to grab this late night flight rather than stay behind and be forced to face Tommy with the shame of her fears. When his rational, mature speech should have been far more than enough to convince her to stay and fight for them, dread gripped its icy fist around her heart until she had to run in order to breathe again.
"Am I afraid of being happy?" she so softly asked herself, pleased that there wasn't a seat beside her. It made no sense to answer yes, and yet what other answer accompanied her actions? Tommy wanted more of her than she could give and she knew it. Rather than try and fail, she refused to put him through any more hurt than she'd already given him for one lifetime. He didn't deserve to be disappointed again. Never before had she felt more broken than right now, her eyes shut so tightly to ward off any more tears.
Sighing sadly, Kimberly felt no freedom or sense of relief for doing the right thing. That elemental emotion that, even though you did something you didn't want to do, deep down you knew it was the right thing to do. But not this night as she flew back to Florida and a empty home. Trying with Tommy meant effort she just didn't feel she had to give. And that made her sick to face such weakness within herself. That she was so lacking in emotional strength... so hurt and weighed down by past experiences she didn't trust her heart enough to fight for the love of it.
Certainly by now Tommy was cursing her name and very existence, a thought that broke her heart all over again. Mourning strickened her face as she cried against her arm, her hand balled into a fist of pure frustration with herself and her insecurities. What if Tommy was, after all and everything else, the one? The one person she was meant to be with. Life wasn't a fairy-tale or romantic novel, but it was factual that some people in this crazy world did indeed find that one person they loved above all others. She wondered what secret they had that she didn't concerning how to grow and nurture such love. Perhaps it required the one thing she couldn't give.
All of herself.
Tommy deserved that. And it was exactly what she wanted to give him and more. After all, he only asked for a chance to see where time spent together would take them. But she knew better. She was already in love with him again after four days. In four months she'd begin hating being apart from him. In a year she'd want to be his wife.
It was just too much.
Overwhelming.
Terrifying.
Heartsick as she had ever been, Kimberly gazed out the window at the clouds below, hating that Tommy now hated her. That he probably hoped he would never see her again. This would be the sin for which she would not be forgiven. What would their friends think of her when they learned what happened? How many would she lose over her actions? And what would this ultimately cost her? After all, if she couldn't trust her heart with Tommy, then who?
So many questions and she had no answers at all.
"What's done is done," she quietly spoke to herself, buried beneath the rubble of her fractured soul. Shaking her head, she knew one thing for certain. She needed help. This pattern of behavior had to stop as it was ruining her life. Before she could share her heart with anyone, she had to fix herself first. Had to find that inner strength that allowed change and faced it fearlessly.
Kimberly Hart knew she was a better woman than this. She had to be. She would be. Grief gave way to determination anew. Now began the hard journey to find her way back from being broken to becoming whole again.
This was the fight of her life...
******
The End
The Final Chapter: Fallout, Forgiveness, and Fate. Kimberly finds her way, but is it to late to make amends...
Two and a half hours later
******
The first thing Tommy noticed was that Kimberly's rental car was missing. Standing on his porch as thick snowflakes descended from the heavens, his mind ran through the possibilities of where she could
have gone. She hadn't mentioned needing to make a run to the store, especially on the eve of them both leaving. He was bringing a tray of lasagna over for dinner, so food wasn't an issue. Reaching inside his jacket, he checked his cell phone. Upon checking he found no messages or missed calls. Shaking his head free of any doubts, he brushed it all aside. "Maybe she went to get another bottle of wine,” was muttered through a swath of cold night air as he carefully descended the icy stairs and walked across the street to her cabin. He saw a single light on in her living-room, no doubt left on for him.
They'd exchanged their second set of cabin keys yesterday, so he let himself in and then hit the wall switch for the main lights. “Let there be light,” he mocked to himself wearing a grin that spoke of a last nights hot passion and the promise of so much more to come. Curiously enough, by the front door there were none of her suitcases nor her guitar. Strange. Maybe she'd already loaded her rental car. Kim always thought ahead, so he paid it no mind... despite the slight gnaw of tension he felt.
Walking into her kitchen, he sat the large tray down as a naughty grin settled over his face. Oh how he'd taken her over that kitchen table... Fuck, he could still hear her moaning for him and him alone. And while passion wasn't everything, he swore she had to be the one for him. She had him tied up in knots he couldn't begin to unravel. He'd never felt such raw desire or chemistry with a woman before as he did with his Beautiful.
Honestly, he knew he was in love with her. But with Kim you had to not push, so he was gonna take things as slow as she needed. They had to give this thing between them a chance to grow. Of that he was certain.
He'd have to be patient with her. He didn't mind. So she needed a little more space and understanding than most women. Again, she was worth it. And in the meantime of allowing her time to get used to them he would be working on himself as well. If things went as he hoped, they'd be in a seriously committed relationship hopefully within the next couple of months. Going from bachelorhood to that wasn't the easiest thing in the world for a guy, but he felt their potential and how much he loved her was worth it.
Walking back into the living-room while removing his coat and hat, his eyes suddenly fixated on something that stopped him dead in his tracks. Something that made no sense at all, and yet was darkly poetic in some way. Quickly, his mind surmised that the letter taped above the unlit fireplace was a sexy little note to tease about the past. That's all it could be. There was just no way... No, he wasn't even giving it a second thought.
Tommy walked over and took the letter, opening it to find a hand-written letter inside. From the moment he read the first words his stomach dropped. He felt ill...
'You're going to hate me for doing this.'
Reading no more, Tommy walked over to a chair and sat down, the letter dangling from his fingertips as he shook his head, praying he was wrong and jumping to conclusions. Then he began to read and all was made clear. Painfully clear.
'I'm emotionally broken, Tommy. There's something wrong with me that overwhelms me with fear of ever truly giving my all to someone. It terrifies me as I don't trust myself enough to put you through all the pain and misery of my issues. I know me taking the blame for this wont save you any hurt or anger tonight. I can only imagine how much you hate me now. Not more than I hate myself, but still. I just can't do this. What you want, I can't give. And rather than waste your time and hurt you more than I already have, I'm just going to go back to my life and let you do the same. This weekend was the best time of my entire life and I hate leaving you this way, but I'm a coward. I can't face you in person. I have to slip away and maybe find a way to fix whatever is wrong with me. Maybe someday... Because right now I'm just not in a good place and I know it. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say.
Love always,
Kim'
He had to be imagining this. It was a nightmare and any second he was gonna wake up and not be holding a second Dear John letter from the same girl. He wasn't going to feel more hurt than he had ever felt before because this wasn't happening... but it was. Days together where they shared everything and all he had asked for was a chance. One shot. Not a relationship. Not a commitment right now. He only wanted to date her and see where this amazing chemistry led them. Was that to much to ask for? Was he being so unreasonable? Was she that weak a person and he hadn't known?
Nice guys didn't just finish last. They got royally fucked.
Anger, rage, and utter despair crippled his thoughts. Tears wet his eyes, but he harshly brushed any aside long before they fell. "Damn you!" he swore out loud, crumpling the letter in his hands and then throwing it in the fireplace. The way she treated him was unacceptable. He deserved better and so did she. Why couldn't she give herself a shot at being happy? He just didn't know and gave up caring. Figuring out Kimberly Hart was gonna be some other suckers cross to bear.
He was done.
Beyond done.
And viciously heartbroken.
Tommy aimlessly walked outside into the blustering cold with his coat and hat under his arm, not giving a damn about the frigid temperatures. The only thing colder than the night was his heart.
******
******
United Flight 9913
Tuesday, December 7, 2008 10:30 PM
En route to Orlando, Florida
Kimberly was thankful for the dim, lonely shadows that bathed her window seat. The somber darkness welcomed her home, consuming her whole. Misery wouldn't be lonely tonight. She was perfect company.
Having cried until she had no more tears left to shed, shame ate her alive the last four hours after she broke the heart of the finest man she knew. The man she loved... Operating on autopilot through the airport check-in and security, she paid almost two hundred more dollars to grab this late night flight rather than stay behind and be forced to face Tommy with the shame of her fears. When his rational, mature speech should have been far more than enough to convince her to stay and fight for them, dread gripped its icy fist around her heart until she had to run in order to breathe again.
"Am I afraid of being happy?" she so softly asked herself, pleased that there wasn't a seat beside her. It made no sense to answer yes, and yet what other answer accompanied her actions? Tommy wanted more of her than she could give and she knew it. Rather than try and fail, she refused to put him through any more hurt than she'd already given him for one lifetime. He didn't deserve to be disappointed again. Never before had she felt more broken than right now, her eyes shut so tightly to ward off any more tears.
Sighing sadly, Kimberly felt no freedom or sense of relief for doing the right thing. That elemental emotion that, even though you did something you didn't want to do, deep down you knew it was the right thing to do. But not this night as she flew back to Florida and a empty home. Trying with Tommy meant effort she just didn't feel she had to give. And that made her sick to face such weakness within herself. That she was so lacking in emotional strength... so hurt and weighed down by past experiences she didn't trust her heart enough to fight for the love of it.
Certainly by now Tommy was cursing her name and very existence, a thought that broke her heart all over again. Mourning strickened her face as she cried against her arm, her hand balled into a fist of pure frustration with herself and her insecurities. What if Tommy was, after all and everything else, the one? The one person she was meant to be with. Life wasn't a fairy-tale or romantic novel, but it was factual that some people in this crazy world did indeed find that one person they loved above all others. She wondered what secret they had that she didn't concerning how to grow and nurture such love. Perhaps it required the one thing she couldn't give.
All of herself.
Tommy deserved that. And it was exactly what she wanted to give him and more. After all, he only asked for a chance to see where time spent together would take them. But she knew better. She was already in love with him again after four days. In four months she'd begin hating being apart from him. In a year she'd want to be his wife.
It was just too much.
Overwhelming.
Terrifying.
Heartsick as she had ever been, Kimberly gazed out the window at the clouds below, hating that Tommy now hated her. That he probably hoped he would never see her again. This would be the sin for which she would not be forgiven. What would their friends think of her when they learned what happened? How many would she lose over her actions? And what would this ultimately cost her? After all, if she couldn't trust her heart with Tommy, then who?
So many questions and she had no answers at all.
"What's done is done," she quietly spoke to herself, buried beneath the rubble of her fractured soul. Shaking her head, she knew one thing for certain. She needed help. This pattern of behavior had to stop as it was ruining her life. Before she could share her heart with anyone, she had to fix herself first. Had to find that inner strength that allowed change and faced it fearlessly.
Kimberly Hart knew she was a better woman than this. She had to be. She would be. Grief gave way to determination anew. Now began the hard journey to find her way back from being broken to becoming whole again.
This was the fight of her life...
******
The End
The Final Chapter: Fallout, Forgiveness, and Fate. Kimberly finds her way, but is it to late to make amends...